My Husband Died A Year Ago Today
I wasn’t going to write anything else today. Well, first my plan was to write all day. But once I got up, I realized that just isn’t going to happen. A year ago today I lost my best friend, my husband, my lover.
I know, he is still with me — in my heart. That’s doesn’t bring me comfort though. Because he’s not here to tell him what’s going on. He’s not here to tell me that I can do this writing thing and that it is ok to quit my job and not go back to work. I know that is what he would say if he was here. But he’s not.
I had plans to do a whole Facebook thing today. Playing Bruce Springsteen songs all day. Because he loved Bruce. Bruce was everything to him. I remember we even had tickets to see him in concert once. We ended up giving them away because his anxiety was too bad for my husband to be able to go. Even the trip gave him anxiety.
Land Of Hope and Dreams was my husband’s favorite Bruce song.
I really wanted to not think a lot today. Stay focused on writing and making progress. But I just can’t. Now that I’ve started crying…I know I am just going to cry all day long. So I’m going back to bed.
I’m going to eat and drink and watch Netflix…and cry. And maybe listen to Bruce all day.
Another song that my husband loved was Waiting On A Sunny Day because a lot of the time when Bruce performed this song, he would have someone come up and sing it with him. Often, it was a little girl. And my husband loved these videos.
He probably loved these videos because he loved kids so much. He never had any kids of his own but damn — his granddaughter (my daughter’s daughter) meant everything to him. And she loved him so much.
I honestly didn’t think this day was going to be so hard. Because his birthday was May 1st and I already spent that day crying. But I guess I’m not done yet.
I know that things are tough for everyone with Covid-19 going on. But remember to tell people you love them. Remember to make sure people know you care. Tell them you love them every day. Because tomorrow is never a sure thing.